Operation: Flaming Fanblade Pt. IV

The young man called Chase slowly woke up expecting to see little more than the familiar surroundings of his bed on the Xcalibur, but instead found himself lying on a beach. He slowly picked himself up, and tried to shake some of the sand out of his suit, but found it difficult, so he simply pushed the release valve on his chestplate and watched as the two halves of his Xtacle torso fell on either side of him. He thought he heard the voice of a man muttering some curse at him, then something about getting a drink, but he could not  see. At least now he could get the sand out of his body.

“Chase-sannnnn…” A soft, womanly voice called out to him, “Chase-sannnnnn…”

Chase looked around, but could not see who the voice belonged to.

“Are you the legendary warrior, sent forth from far off lands to destroy the evil giants?”

Chase still couldn’t find the source of the voice, but just replied to the wind, “Ummmm, yeah? I guess I am?”

“That is wonderful news, Chase-san!” A beautiful, petite Japanese woman appeared behind him, clad in a loose red dress. “I knew that you would be the chosen one! It is said that the hero would carry a clear horn and a brave heart into battle with him!”

“Clear horn? What is that supposed to mean?”

“You will find out in due time, Chase-san! Now go, the trial of the wind awaits you!”

“Okay, but first…do you think you can do a little favor for me?”

_____________

“Chase? Are you okay? Chase?” The helmeted Xtacle was about to try performing CPR when Chase unceremoniously grabbed the Xtacle and started making out with the helmet, only to realize a few seconds later that it wasn’t the face of the beautiful Japanese woman from before.

“UGH! What the hell, man?”

“Thank God you’re alive. I thought that flaming windmill almost got you!”

“Hey, I don’t interrupt your wet dreams with real, life-threatening situations, do I?”

“Chase?”

Chase pointed an accusatory finger at the helmeted Xtacle and said, “You are like my least favorite Xtacle! Just go and find your damn roommate, I’m going back to the Xcalibur myself.”

“Chase?”

“Stop talking to me, dammit!”

The helmeted Xtacle was about to warn him about his lack of fuel when Chase fired up his rocket boots. Instead, he just dismissively threw up his hands and walked in the opposite direction. After a few more minutes, Chase suddenly felt the rocket boots start to taper down.

“Huh, maybe I should’ve asked him where we are.” Chase thought out loud before the rocket boosters shut off from lack of fuel.

Meanwhile, inside a Tokyo office building…

<Folks, we have a problem.> One man spoke in Japanese, <those damn gaijin managed to figure out a way to travel to Japan for relatively low money. Now they are at our doorstep.>

<Oh no! How could this fate have befallen us?> A second Japanese man asked, <All we wanted to do was give the American audiences what they wanted! Is it our fault that their networks were afraid of publishing our glorious material?>

<I think I understand the problem here.> A Japanese woman spoke up.

<Quiet, Keiko Tsundere! You’re a woman! How could your tiny brain possibly understand the intricacies of the Japanese cartoon industry?>

<For your information, I’m the head of your character design department!>

<Get out Tsundere, there are men conducting Serious Business in this room.>

Keiko stomped over to the desk and smashed her fist down hard upon its surface, <Do you think I enjoyed drawing all those…those hentai pictures of Nookie-chan? There’s a reason that your shows are being pirated in the United States instead of bought: because no so-called otaku gaijin would be caught dead with our product on the street!>

<Well then, Tsundere, what do you suggest?>

<We need something that the American youth will eat up and spend money on. Something with bulky men with big guns and swords in  robot suits! They love those!>

<Are you crazy? Such a design would never work!>

Keiko sighed, <Well, at the very least it would serve to get rid of those gaijin protesting outside our building.>

<But how can we get someone in a bulky robot suit out there to drive these gaijin away in such a short time?>

Just as Keiko Tsundere was about to answer, Chase suddenly appeared in the window, quickly falling down to the street in his Xtacle armor sans helmet. Finally, he crashed down to the street, his fall broken by the bodies of several protestors clustered outside the office building.

<I think I have our answer,> Keiko said as she smiled evilly.

At first, the protestors were horrified by the sudden appearance of the strange armored man with what appeared to be a piece of glass stuck in the top of his head, but then they slowly inched closer and started trying to ask questions. However, Chase had slipped back off to dreamland.

_____________

“Chase-san! I thought I had lost you!”

Chase’s spirits perked up. The hot Japanese girl had returned!

“Now Chase-san, you must undergo the first step of your training!” The woman began to step on his bare back, expertly massaging it with her own bare feet. “Do you think yourself ready to undertake the task set before you?”

“Hey babe, if it means spending some more time with you, I’d jump naked through a ring of fire while strapped to a Filipino midget.”

“I am so glad to hear that, Chase-san!”

“Hey, why do you keep saying Chase-san? You know my name’s Chase, right?”

“I know, it’s just…I find you so damn irresistable.”

“Hey, I didn’t say to stop.”

“My apologies, but it appears that your time may come sooner than you think. You are a hero trapped between two worlds, yet while you are a hero within one, you will be thrust into another. I am sure you will do fine.”

Chase felt the woman squat on his back, and then suddenly leap up into the air. Chase turned around and found himself facing another hot Japanese woman, except she was totally ignoring his hotness and was speaking to…

Chase blinked his eyes. He was in a city, and the woman was speaking in broken English to a bunch of nerds. Chase looked down at himself to find that he was actually still in his Xtacles-issue battle armor, sans helmet. The woman wasn’t exactly as hot as the other one he had been having dreams about, but she still had nice tits in his opinion, and his opinion was the only one that mattered.

_______________

At the outside of the ring of protestors, two helmeted Xtacles watched as Keiko Tsundere, the head character designer of Nage Hentai Nookie-chan, was holding up Chase Fontaine as the hero of some brand new series. The various nerds who hadn’t been crushed underneath Chase’s armor applauded the announcement.

“What?” The helmeted Xtacle called Newman shouted, “I’ve been a fan of Tsundere’s work since before I joined the Xtacles! How come he gets all the fame? He doesn’t know the first thing about anime!”

“Newman, let’s just go home.” The other helmeted Xtacle said, “The Commander’s going to chew out all our asses if you stay here longer.”

“But we don’t have any spare fuel for our rocket boots!” Newman protested, “How are we going to get home?”

“Well, maybe Mr. Ford knows some…hey, where is Mr. Ford anyways?”

Where is Mr. Ford? And what does this have to do with the rest of the story? Find out…next time!